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Buckaroo Cowgirl, Abe Lincoln and Andy Warhol….. and……
A little hen. Oh the humanity!
It’s already Sunday night, what happened to my weekend? I’ll tell you…. we spent most of Saturday fixing our washing machine. It takes both of us because it’s approximately 42 tons and the hoses are difficult to reach. But fix it we did…. and then of course there was the afternoon football game, a veritable stand-off in this house- I busy myself with sewing and cleaning and wondering how on earth I arrived at a point in my life where sports are on – in my house – with an apparent sports fan shouting at the television.
We also managed to figure out our Halloween costumes…. this is a big deal for me because I’m kind of like the Scrooge of Halloween. Sometimes I think it’s because I grew up in Detroit, home of Devil’s Night. Halloween was a HUGE deal in my hometown, bigger than anything except Christmas, and I do remember loving the treating part. But it was also a holiday of major tricking and mischief and getting in trouble was not really my scene (not to mention the news coverage the next day of burning buildings). I LOVE horror movies and the spooky-season programming on TV, but costumes and stuff are just too much trouble. I’ll pass out candy if I’m home, but I’m not really one to dress up or take it to a really theatric level. [Note to self: maybe I'm not really a scrooge, maybe I'm just lazy?] My nephews and niece always think up their own costume concepts and they picked some winners this year: Fin will be Abe Lincoln (I made his bow tie because Jules could only find clip-on bow ties, totally not period-appropriate!), Milo is going as Andy Warhol, and the Little Darling will be a cowgirl- complete with red boots that I’m sure Julie will not be able to remove for another 3 or 4 months…. Julie is psyched because each one is a manageable concept without me there to help her (no store-bought costumes allowed for this family), as opposed to last year when Milo was a blue jay. That’s right… a homemade blue jay.
The new serger is working- I am up and running! I practiced a few stitches and made a few small items…the first thing I made was a simple pair of jammie bottoms for Flo. And then I made matching pairs for the boys. It’s definitely something to get used to – a machine with knives right next to my finger tips (!) as well as having to use two separate machines to make something (I need my regular machine for hems). But it is So. Much. Fun!
Making the kimono top takes much less time, because I don’t have to treat every seam twice. And the finished product is nice and flat without any bulky intersections.
Incidentally – a great pick-me-up when I’m down: A visit from my Mom and Sister! It started with the afternoon off work, a beautiful day, and Neko Case blaring with the windows down & sunroof open on my way to the airport. Wheee! It was a perfect weekend to celebrate my Mom’s birthday. I also managed to get a few more clothing requests out of my sister, one of which is this little long-sleeved version of the kimono top. I doubled the length of the short sleeves in the pattern, and added another 1/2″ for the elastic cuff. The fabric is Deer Valley by Joel Dewberry from Westminster Fibers, and both the fabric pattern and colors are 100% Flo.
Thank you all for your comments and thoughts. So many ideas to help me dig deep. I feel the same way that many of you have described, and I can’t seem to get my momentum up off the ground. I find myself going through the motions of life, but at the end of each day I go to bed feeling empty of accomplishments and full of anxiety. I think much of this is due to the general climate of things right now.
But I can’t dwell on the negative. Otherwise it’s a slippery slope to a deep, dark place. I need to write out everything that’s in my mind, flush it out, to see it all in one place. I have so many ideas for new designs, new patterns, even new formatting for patterns…..and yet the Kimono Wrap Dress pattern is still not written. Just in time to turn this attitude around, my Mom and Julie are visiting tomorrow- can’t wait! Maybe it will help to talk about all the ideas, maybe that’s part of it. Christina hit on something poignant, about isolating oneself. I do this. As a classic introvert, I might even take this to a whole new level. Now that the heat of summer has passed, it might be a good time to make a point of walking in to town in the evenings, and just look around….. so I remember there’s an entire world around me.
It’s tricky to find motivation and enthusiasm when a part of me is experiencing deflated resignation. But, persevere we must. I can’t even process the last month, and again I have that sinking feeling of time moving way too fast. Another birthday will be here before I know it, and another year will have passed in what felt like 3 months, and the weight of it all will stress me to no end.
Sometimes I think I need to do MORE, and plan more. Other times I think I need to SLOW DOWN and just enjoy the moment. I guess it’s an ongoing journey. In the meantime, between discovering a disgusting leak from our washing machine drain behind a wall, I won this little beauty on eBay for $250. I’ve never experienced an auction on eBay, and it was a nail biter. That was 2 weeks ago – I had to go buy thread to figure out how to use it, and then I had get over my fear of opening the box. I have been wanting a serger for.ever. and yet I couldn’t bring myself to tear open the box. Go figure. But I practiced all day today and have big plans for these fabrics and a little three year old.
ps…. the kimono wrap pattern is coming. Learning the new software program and having to start all over with pattern layout in the midst of everything else going on has been a little, well, lacking.
At the last minute, we decided to drive to Asheville. An ‘adventure’ we said… An otherwise upsetting and unsettling prospect will be an adventure. We left late Thursday evening and drove to Scranton, PA. (Which- if you ever watch the Office - was much prettier than I would have guessed, surrounded on all sides by mountains). When we woke up early on Friday and headed out, this band of fog wrapped the highway as we drove up and over the mountains.
And the whole time we were in the fog, I was waking up…. thinking about what we’d committed to (driving 16 hours each way in a four-day weekend), and why we were doing it. Why I needed to do it. And I thought a lot about my Dad. Times past, memories, the uncertainty of the future and most of all the here and now: What I would see when I arrived.
I still don’t have the words to articulate my feelings about losing a parent in this way – to such an insidious disease. You have a prolonged state of fear and sadness, and an unwillingness to let go. He is still here, and we have to be strong for him. But at the same time, there is a false sense of optimism. You know you are lying to yourself and you know what the reality is, but in the present you don’t allow yourself those thoughts. It’s better right now to have hope and to think that person who was the center of the family, the rock, will be back soon.
I didn’t mean to go missing – but it’s been a crazy week. Again. Lol.
Martha’s Vineyard was lovley, and seeing family was lovely. The island was nice, I’d never been before. Oak Bluffs was cute-cute-cute, but man was it CROWDED. Since I’m not a fan of crowds, I’ve made a mental note to never return in the summer. MP’s cousin has a very large farm on the island, and they’ve invited us back Off Season. Yes!
The pattern is still coming along, I’m trying to write it in a new software program and I’m frustrated with the limitations. Guess I may have to pony up for Creative Suite afterall. More on that tomorrow!
So much up and down. Left, right. Just when I think I’m catching up, getting my emotions in check, and heading in the right direction, the phone rings and it begins again. A piece of news that sends my mind back into a world parallel with my reality, a world where time slows down and maybe even goes backwards so that I can make sense of the here and now. The reality that time is fleeting and all those little moments you let slip by in your past sparkle with regret. I struggle tremendously against my will to shut down, close myself off and stop sharing. So the next few months may dabble a bit in the macabre or the depressing, or maybe even the silly to lighten my mood. But I am first and foremost going to stretch myself to find the words that having meaning for what I’m feeling.
