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I am asking… I really need to know… when you are running on fumes, or blue, or down and out, where do you find your inspiration? Is it a poem, or a phrase? Is it something simple or is it something complex, like religion? What steels you to carry on when nothing is making sense?
Me, I’ve always loved humor and laughter. I laugh a lot. But not too much is funny right now, and I need to get my mojo back. So spill it, leave me comment and tell something (a phrase, a book, a poem, a story) that gives you strength and inspiration. I thank you already!
It’s tricky to find motivation and enthusiasm when a part of me is experiencing deflated resignation. But, persevere we must. I can’t even process the last month, and again I have that sinking feeling of time moving way too fast. Another birthday will be here before I know it, and another year will have passed in what felt like 3 months, and the weight of it all will stress me to no end.
Sometimes I think I need to do MORE, and plan more. Other times I think I need to SLOW DOWN and just enjoy the moment. I guess it’s an ongoing journey. In the meantime, between discovering a disgusting leak from our washing machine drain behind a wall, I won this little beauty on eBay for $250. I’ve never experienced an auction on eBay, and it was a nail biter. That was 2 weeks ago – I had to go buy thread to figure out how to use it, and then I had get over my fear of opening the box. I have been wanting a serger for.ever. and yet I couldn’t bring myself to tear open the box. Go figure. But I practiced all day today and have big plans for these fabrics and a little three year old.
ps…. the kimono wrap pattern is coming. Learning the new software program and having to start all over with pattern layout in the midst of everything else going on has been a little, well, lacking.
As I seem to do when I’m pulling myself out of the black fog, I’ve been listening to a lot of music lately. This song seems to sum up my mindset in the last few weeks…. especially the part about thoughts full of regret, and feeling like I’ve lost my way. I’ve got to work on that bit.
At the last minute, we decided to drive to Asheville. An ‘adventure’ we said… An otherwise upsetting and unsettling prospect will be an adventure. We left late Thursday evening and drove to Scranton, PA. (Which- if you ever watch the Office - was much prettier than I would have guessed, surrounded on all sides by mountains). When we woke up early on Friday and headed out, this band of fog wrapped the highway as we drove up and over the mountains.
And the whole time we were in the fog, I was waking up…. thinking about what we’d committed to (driving 16 hours each way in a four-day weekend), and why we were doing it. Why I needed to do it. And I thought a lot about my Dad. Times past, memories, the uncertainty of the future and most of all the here and now: What I would see when I arrived.
I still don’t have the words to articulate my feelings about losing a parent in this way – to such an insidious disease. You have a prolonged state of fear and sadness, and an unwillingness to let go. He is still here, and we have to be strong for him. But at the same time, there is a false sense of optimism. You know you are lying to yourself and you know what the reality is, but in the present you don’t allow yourself those thoughts. It’s better right now to have hope and to think that person who was the center of the family, the rock, will be back soon.
I love Ashley’s drawings. Her work appeals to me on many levels, but I am often captured by the subtle little faces of her people and creatures. I’ve collected many of her pieces, both squirreled them away and given as gifts. I decided to focus on a particular theme and started collecting all of her pieces that involve houses. It started with the black houses and grew. Now, every time she does a house, I must have it. Eventually I hope to have this wall covered with her house drawings.
I’m a sucker for packaging, I can’t help myself. This little cup of goodness in the plain black and white label stood out in the sea of Stonyfield cups. I had to try it. It doesn’t really taste like vanilla, though I see little flecks of vanilla bean. And it is TART- like…. puckering, eye-watering tart. I added a bit of honey to it, and decided it’s yummy. The texture is like the cream top of cream-top yogurt, which is my favorite kind.
